Giant erasers on my feet

"My running shoes have become giant erasers on my feet.
Every foot strike rubs away some memory
of a previous indiscretion, failure, hurt, pain...
Every successful mile releases me from the grip of the demons of failure.
Every starting line is another chance to prove
that my past will not determine my future."
~ John "The Penguin" Bingham

I had just come from a short Monday night run with two good friends at Legaspi Park. It was my first time to run at Legaspi Park as, usually, I’d run in Buendia to EDSA and back, or at Salcedo Park, or at the Ayala Triangle, or, so I don’t get bored, a combination of any of those routes.

I have always been a runner. When I was younger I’d run in the beach in the morning as we lived close to the beach (the secret to my eternal tan, hehe!). In college, I ran around the Acad Oval at U.P. Diliman, usually at close to midnight, with pauses and stretches infront of the Oblation. When I began working, and especially when I started to gain weight, I started to run around Makati to get back into shape.

2 years ago, and because my Royal Sinigang Mountaineers group (RSM, woohoo!) decided we’d be climbing Mt. Pulag, we took to running to prepare ourselves physically. That was the start of my doing more disciplined running, and taking it to the next level by joining a real marathon. We prepared by running in Makati, in Roxas Boulevard and even at the ULTRA tracks. And so it was in 2006 that with RSM, I ran my first 10K marathon with the 2^nd International Pasig River Marathon and another 10K with the 1^st Pinay In Action marathon, and then another 10K the year after in the 3^rd International Pasig River Marathon.

I had decided I would run a 42K marathon in 2007, and I did train for it, but only got myself as far as 15K during training, with that training consisting of 5AM runs at the Mall of Asia. And then I stopped abruptly when I injured my right leg, perhaps for pushing myself too hard.

So many other things have overtaken my goal of running the 42K, that it is almost a year after (and 9 lbs later), that I resurrect that goal of mine.

I have never fully understood the allure of running to me, why I do it, what I get from it, aside from the feel good endorphins and the obvious health benefits. I guess I like running for the chance that it allows me (1) to spend time alone, (2) to listen to my thoughts, and yes, (3) to not have thoughts for a change.

But I have never fully grasped what running truly means until I read that quote from John Bingham which sincerely speaks to me at this time in my life.

Maybe there is indeed something about every stride that takes you further away from memories you wish you could just forget. Maybe there is something about every bead of sweat that purges you of whatever cannot be shed with tears. Maybe there is something about every sore muscle or bruised feet that numbs whatever gnawing pain that resides in your heart -- a part of you that no amount of rest or icepack can reach to soothe or heal.

Whether you run 5K or 10K, 21K or 42K, it doesn’t matter. As long as you get the running started, you know you are getting somewhere, moving further from where you are, erasing the past away as the rubber burns, moving closer to the future as the muscles sore.

Closer to the future. The future may be uncertain, but knowing that you are moving closer to it -- that’s an optimistic thought.

I have often dreamed, of a far off place
Where a hero’s welcome, would be waiting for me
Where the crowds will cheer, when they see my face
And a voice keeps saying, this is where I’m meant to be...
--“Go the Distance”, Soundtrack, Hercules